Darkest Before Dawn
by elle.writes
Summary: Levi wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep when he was torn from the endless darkness of his mind by a deep, disturbing groan. Eren's body jerked roughly, his nails digging painfully into Levi's upper arm. Levi was disoriented for a moment as he sat up, unsure of what was happening. Eren dug his fingers in harder, a sob caught in his throat as he begged – "Please don't go."


**Pairings/Warnings:** Levi/Eren, language, violence, angst, implied sexual content, typical themes, spoilers for somewhere mid-show but I mean, if you don't know this, IDK how when you're reading fan fiction ;-P

**Notes:** Based on Day 17 of Suika's "30 Days of Ereri" doujin panels. ;-P BTW – my husband actually talks in his sleep a lot (it can be very creepy!) and frequently experiences sleep paralysis and lucid dreaming so some of this is based on personal experience as an observer. Also, one day I will write a decent multipart for these guys haha. Thank you for reading and giving this old author a chance in a new fandom!

And as always, big, big thanks to Miss M for beta'ing out of fandom!

* * *

Silence. It was something Captain Levi rarely experienced between training, planning, living under one roof with his entire squad. There always seemed to be a problem that only he could solve, some discipline required that had to come directly from him, one more thing to be cleaned, one more paper to be signed...

But at night, when nearly everyone was finally exhausted and asleep – or at least the rookies, Hanji was another story – he slipped along silent corridors to the basement, the only sound his own footfalls. Most nights, like tonight, Eren would be equally as exhausted as the rest of his squad and could be found passed out on his bed, snoring lightly. And most nights, like tonight, Levi was sure he had tried to wait up for him, but found it impossible, the weight of his eyelids too much to bear.

Levi didn't mind though. He unbuttoned his shirt and drew out his belt, setting it on the desk and taking the seat there, sipping at the camomile tea he'd brought down with him while studying Eren's form in the darkness, buried under the sheets. It was cool down here, and quiet, and even more than sleep Levi just needed somewhere that he could have a moment to himself – to unwind, to let the day go – and though he certainly didn't mind the sex, this was easily preferable. He doubted Eren knew how much this unobserved moment meant to him.

Eren muttered in his sleep and Levi sighed, long fingers circling the edge of his cup, wet with steam, as he stared down at the honey-colored liquid barely visible in the darkness. Sometimes this felt wrong. He knew Erwin's opinion – but then, this was all kind of his fault anyway. The thought drew Levi's mouth into a scowl, unimpressed with his own lack of maturity. It was his decision to take the task of looking out for Eren so seriously. It was his own fault that he let himself get so involved – so close.

He swallowed his tea quickly, feeling the near-burn sink down his throat with a bit of discomfort, but it helped clear the uncomfortable thoughts in his head. It wasn't as if Eren was an unwilling participant. Frankly, Eren started it. It was his suggestion that Levi join him –

Fuck. Levi set the cup down a little too hard on the desk, clearing his thoughts with a growl from the back of his throat. This was ridiculous. He couldn't blame other people for his actions – for his _desires_ – no matter his guilt. And maybe he didn't intend to... _fall_ for Eren – the very thought of those words made him cringe – but he couldn't deny that he had wanted it. And that was on him. His fault he didn't fight it harder, his fault he let his feelings get so out of control.

He stood over the bed, watching Eren's eyelids flutter and his lips mumble out something indecipherable. Eren's dark hair was spread across the pillow and he jerked – caught in some private memory replayed in his sleep state – and Levi sympathized. His fingers found their way to Eren's temple, brushing back the hair from his forehead and tucking it behind his ear where it was sure to slip out but the touch had quieted him for moment. Eren's facial expression still spoke of tension, but his body stilled, and Levi slid the shirt from his shoulders, folding it in half and placing it on top of the dresser.

Quickly, he stripped down to his underwear, the cool air in the room prickling at his skin, making it feel tight. But Eren always ran hot and the chill only heightened his anticipation of settling into the warm sheets next to him, feeling Eren's skin – warm and comforting – against his own.

Levi was careful not to disturb Eren as he climbed into bed next to him, sliding under the sheets and tucking his body up tight against Eren's. He seemed to fit perfectly beside Eren, his head stowed under Eren's chin, his legs finding willing partners as his knee nudged between Eren's legs, entwining them together. And Eren relaxed against him, the tension easing from his body, a hand making its way to rest innocently on Levi's inner thigh. There was an uncomfortable tightening in Levi's groin but he tried to ignore it, unwilling to wake Eren up, knowing he was exhausted. And now, feeling Eren's familiar warmth soak into his bones, mixing with the tea, he was honestly more tired than horny anyway.

He'd always had trouble falling asleep – at least, as long as he could remember. The stress of his job, of his whole reality, the men and women he'd seen die, the innumerable failures he'd been responsible for would leave him with crippling nightmares – when he did manage to sleep at all. It was years before he learned that he had to let the tension in his body and in his mind go before he could sleep undisturbed – and the quiet of the basement, the warmth of Eren, was an ideal stress reducer. He splayed his fingers against Eren's abs, feeling them twitch in his sleep, concentrating on the way Eren's heavy breathing ruffled his own hair, letting everything else go as he focused on every tiny detail of this moment.

Levi wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep when he was torn from the endless darkness of his mind by a deep, disturbing groan. Eren's body jerked roughly, his nails digging painfully into Levi's upper arm. Though he came to quickly, Levi was still disoriented for a moment as he sat up, unsure of what was happening, and he tried to draw away to study Eren's face. But as he moved Eren dug his fingers in harder, a sob caught in his throat as he begged –

"Please don't go."

Levi stopped and stared into his eyes, open wide and totally black, completely unfocused – and he realized immediately that Eren was still asleep. It was nothing he hadn't experienced before himself. Nothing he hadn't experienced before in the few months he'd been sleeping with Eren. But it was different as there was a level of desperation in his voice that Levi had not heard previously and even though he knew he could overpower Eren, for a minute there was a sense of uncertainty – that he didn't know exactly what Eren was dreaming about or what he was going to do.

"Stop!"

The sharp sound of Eren's shout in the stillness was startling and he shook Levi for a minute, unfocused eyes staring hauntingly past his face and Levi had no way to break his grip.

"You can't..."

Now his voice was a pathetic moan and Levi swore he saw tears forming on the rims of his eyes. But then Eren closed them and his arms shook. His grip loosened and Levi freed his own arms, twisting his fingers into the light cotton shirt Eren wore, trying to grab him in some way and bring him closer, into a hug, to soothe him. But he was arguing nonsense, too caught up in his mental anguish to form full words, and tears were freely running down his cheeks now.

Watching someone cry in their sleep was a disturbing experience at best and though Levi had seen plenty of disturbing things in his time – this still made his heart stop. He felt useless. Eren fought against his attempts to hold him, pushing him away with his hands, but he was tangled in the sheets and fighting ineffectually against himself as well. Levi tried to talk him out of it, tried to call him back into reality with his name, with the assertion that it was just a dream, but it didn't matter.

The scuffle only lasted a moment before Eren's eyes shot open again, more haunted than before, the tears stopping, and his hand began to tremble as he lifted it to his lips. Immediately, Levi acted, the threat of Eren shifting here, now, even if he was only able to manage some kind of half-transformation, was exactly what Levi was supposed to prevent.

Eren's teeth in his arm hurt way more than he'd anticipated. Sure, Levi knew that he had to bite down pretty damn hard to be effective, but the part of him that cared deeply about Eren on an emotional level that had nothing to do with being his guardian felt the pain in a less than physical way – that this is what Eren had to endure, that this pain is what he would choose to escape whatever terror plagued his mind.

And the teeth didn't release, just clamped down harder and harder. Levi knew they'd broken skin, blood dripping down his arm, but his other hand moved up to stroke through Eren's hair, comforting him the way he did when he thrashed in his sleep, stuck in nightmares less real than this, and he brought his body close.

"Wake up," he pleaded quietly, his lips against Eren's temple. "It's just a dream, you idiot." His free hand worked through Eren's hair, down his neck and up again. "Come back to me."

It was another few long, intense moments as Eren's breath heaved through his nose, but when his teeth began to slack, Levi knew it was finally over. He held Eren tight in his arms as his body shook, tears streaming down his face, and Eren pressed his hand over his mouth, dry heaving a little, the acrid taste and smell of blood overwhelming, Levi was sure – especially in combination with whatever horror wove its way through Eren's mind.

Eren took a few deep, shaky breaths as he moved his hand to wipe the blood from his lips but his whole body was clammy. Levi could tell he wasn't holding it together very well and he physically dragged him into the hall and down to the bathroom, turning on the water in the sink for him. Eren's arms trembled on the porcelain and when he caught sight of himself in the mirror, chin and lips covered in blood, he heaved miserably into the sink.

Despite not being the most outwardly sympathetic person, Levi did sympathize – remembered himself at twenty and the gut-wrenching terrors his mind could concoct – so he gave Eren space for his ego, starting the water in the tub and running his bleeding arm under the faucet. Then he wrapped a towel around his arm to staunch the bleeding, plugging the tub and running it warm for Eren.

"Damn," Eren muttered under his breath, splashing cool water on his face now that he'd brushed his teeth, wiping away the last of the blood. He laid his head in his hands as Levi checked the bleeding of his arm, which had slowed significantly.

"Take off your clothes."

Eren looked over, obviously skeptical as he'd just thrown up, but then he must've noted the discarded bloody towel, the bite marks still welling with blood in Levi's arm, and he closed his eyes.

"That's... Shit," he groaned, sounding pained and embarrassed. "Why'd you...?"

But Levi didn't answer, just brushed the sweaty bangs away from his face, stroking the backs of his fingers against his forehead. Eren's eyes opened as he leaned into the touch, studying his own, but there was nothing Levi could say that would make Eren feel better.

The fact was that he didn't have a choice, that he couldn't let the monster within Eren win. It would, someday, Levi knew – and it would be necessary – but for now, he would do nearly anything to maintain some of Eren's humanity so that he wasn't completely lost to them. But then telling Eren that wouldn't make him feel better. Then he would only feel like a burden, a hindrance, so it was best to say nothing at all. If Eren really thought about it, he knew the answer anyway.

"Take off your clothes," he repeated, drawing away. "And get in the bath."

Eren still looked hesitant but he obeyed, Levi watching his unflawed skin for a minute with a combination fascination and pity, the way he always did – the scars on his own body too numerous to count. But despite his ability to heal, Levi knew Eren still had each one of those wounds carried deep within his heart.

"I'm going to bandage this," Levi said with a dismissive motion of his eyes to the injury and Eren sunk low into the water in unwarranted shame. "Don't do something stupid like drown yourself while I'm gone."

Eren averted his eyes, staring at his knees, but Levi was aware of a soft curve on his lips and felt it was safe to leave him for the moment. He re-entered Eren's room, throwing on pants and his undershirt before making his way upstairs to his own, digging out antiseptic and bandages.

Despite how he presented it to Eren, the wound was deep and it still hurt and while he knew logically that Eren had to inflict a certain amount of pain on himself, he marveled at his ability to do this to himself over and over again. Eren truly was exceptional. Levi wondered, with the right training and guidance, just what he'd be like in ten years. Then he berated himself – Eren probably wouldn't be alive in ten years.

The thought haunted him as he walked back to the kitchen, brewing them tea, watching the steam rise from the kettle – lazy at first and dispersing immediately as it floated away. So many lives, just like that steam – there for a moment and gone forever. The dull ache in his arm reminded him that Eren was there, just downstairs, easily accessible to him – but for how long? His thoughts were disturbed by memories of Eren's lips, the feel of his skin against his own, the smell of his sweat, the way he gasped and moaned, his fingers buried in Levi's flesh, drawing him in deeper...

Levi cursed under his breath as the water reached a boil, the hiss of the kettle drawing him out of his contemplation. It didn't matter – he was stupid to get this involved but it didn't negate his duty as Eren's guardian and his captain. Not that it made any difference in this instance – his professional duty was the same as his personal objective: help Eren, keep him safe, see him survive.

He set the tea down in Eren's room, undressing again and procuring a new pair of shorts and a shirt for Eren before re-joining him in the bathroom. Eren was already out of the tub and toweling off so Levi gave him a moment, youth in his long limbs that made Levi grit his teeth. He was too young for this. They all were. Eren's friends, Mikasa, Armin, Jean – and then, Petra... Levi swallowed, leaving the clothes for Eren without a word, feeling suffocated and retreating to the cool darkness of Eren's room to change the sheets.

Eren joined him momentarily, sitting on the bed and looking lost. For a moment they just looked at one another – and then Levi walked over and sat next to him, handing him his cup of tea.

"I –"

"It'll help you sleep," Levi interrupted before Eren could argue. But Eren sighed heavily, shook his head a little, staring into his cup.

"I'm not going back to sleep."

Levi grunted. "Don't be stupid."

"I don't –" Eren paused, fingers trembling on the cup. "I'm not myself. I don't – I don't know who I am."

Levi's scowl deepened, a little unsure of what Eren was getting at.

Eren sipped his drink, still unable to meet Levi's eyes. "I mean, in my dreams, I..." His struggle to articulate himself was clearly frustrating him. "I don't know what I am."

"You think you're alone?" Levi asked him, his words a rebuke, noting the embarrassed blush darkening Eren's face. "Every one of us has nightmares, every one of us suffers this. Do you really think you're that special?"

"I – well. I mean, no," Eren muttered weakly, clearly chagrined.

"Finish your tea. I'll help you sleep."

Eren looked over at him then, surprise written all over his face, and Levi paused, glaring back over his cup. Teenagers. Always so damned horny – everything was sex. But Eren seemed to get the message and focused on his cup, finishing the tea as instructed.

Once the cups were finished and set up, Eren settled back into the bed, tucking the cover up under his chin, and Levi curled up against his back. He wrapped his arms around his waist, resting his own chin on Eren's shoulder, nuzzling his nose against Eren's ear. Levi could still feel Eren's muscles tense, tight against his chest, his fingers nudging their way between Levi's and twisting.

"I don't think –"

Levi growled a little and Eren stopped abruptly. He gave him a moment to relax, to let the warmth of the bath, the tea, the sheets, and his own body work its way through Eren's system, hoping it would work as he'd anticipated and that Eren would be able to unwind.

"Focus on your breathing," Levi started, his voice soft, mouth close to Eren's ear and Eren started giggling. Levi squeezed his fingers in irritation and Eren settled down after a moment.

"You have to learn to unwind completely if you ever want to sleep through the night," he chastised and Eren let out a defeated sigh.

"Sorry," he offered, settling back against Levi a little more. "Go on."

"Focus on your breathing," Levi started again, talking him step through step through his own process, concentrating on relaxing each part of his body, from his fingers up his arms to the point where Eren's breathing evened out and became steady, all the tension having faded from his body.

Levi settled back into his pillow and kissed the back of his neck softly, right under the hairline, his lips barely brushing the skin. The rhythm of Eren's breathing comforted him and for a moment he didn't have to think about any of the negative things – the long odds of Erwin's next plan, the people he'd lost, the people he was going to lose, the likelihood that Eren would be one of them, the damn futility of their whole life – because life was merely a moment and in this moment, Levi was able to hold him, wrap him in his arms and keep him safe from every monster, including himself, and that was all he could do – and all he could expect.


End file.
